Facebook Etiquette – Birthdays
A few years ago when I was only friends with a few people on Facebook I made an effort to wish them each a Happy Birthday on their wall when I was alerted that their special day had arrived. At the time it seemed like a nice way to stay connected, and even if I wasn’t that close to someone, I would still post some sentiment and best wishes.
Fast forward a few years, everyone is on Facebook and the majority of my “friends” are casual acquaintances that I occasionally see socially (or just once, but think they might come in handy some day). Which should come as no surprise since all the recent research has shown that social media has benefited the casual relationship and network, not the intimate friendships. On any given day two to 10 of my friends might be having a birthday.
While it would only take me moments to write “Happy Birthday” on all their walls, the sentiment somehow rings false and hallow. I would never have known it was their birthday if it wasn’t for the convenient Facebook alert, and if they had a party I probably wouldn’t bother attending, so why write on their wall? Isn’t social media all about being authentic?
Perhaps I have committed a faux pas, perhaps it truly is the thought that counts and people would appreciate seeing my best wishes on their birthday, but for me, it goes against the very thing I advocate with social media. And that is to be the most honest version of yourself you can be online, even if it is the easiest place reinvent yourself.
Couldn’t agree more!! I think about giving it up every day as I go through several ‘Happy Birthday’ variations (each person on the same day needs to be somewhat unique). But it’s now a CHORE!
And now with the recent FB changes, I can’t see the birthdays that have recently passed (at least I haven’t found it yet).
Chore is the right word! And I did check to see if there was a way to find past birthdays, and as of right now, there isn’t an easy way to see recently passed birthdays.
I dunno. I think I disagree … however, take this comment for what it’s worth. My perspective may change if I ever hit “Rae” levels of social interaction (yep, I’m now using your name as an adjective).
For me it is the thought/action that counts. I assume (and I suppose this is a large assumption) that when I wish somebody a Happy Birthday it’ll make them just a little bit happier (perhaps .025% happier?)
… not because they’re hearing from me, but because they’re hearing from somebody. My 2-cents. Cheers! ::AndyM::
I have to admit that I do *adore* birthdays and always make a big fuss about my own birthday (old habits die hard), so I love the birthday wishes on FB.
Andy, you bring up a good point that it might brighten someone’s day, even if it is just a little.
But, if like Rob and me, you find it is a chore to do, than don’t bother. This post alleviates all guilt! That being said, if you have the time or inkling to wish all your friends a happy birthday, go for it
I usually don’t even notice the birthday reminder (with so much other stuff on the main FB page), but I DO notice it when a doezen of my friends have wished another friend of mine Happy Birthday…and even if not a really close friend I need to add my B-day comment just so I’m not one of “those” friends who forgot or didn’t care. I think I counted 30 or 40 b-day comments on my own b-day last year (when I still had less than 500 friends)…so you don’t really notice who hasn’t wished you happy b-day.
Maybe facebook should allow one to select who their “real” friends are? Of course privately so as not to insult.